Waiting in the Wings Read online

  “I love being with you two.”

  “I know that too,” Emma assured Addison. “But, Addy, you aren’t me. And, you shouldn’t have to be. I do miss it sometimes,” Emma confessed. “I told you when we first talked about another baby that this part of my life means more to me. That won’t ever change, Addy. For some people home and work are equal parts. For others one trumps the other—work is their life. It was the central part of my life for years. Maybe, just maybe one day it will be again. Not now.”

  “I know,” Addison said.

  “It doesn’t bother me that you want to get back to it. It does hurt me that you wouldn’t respect the way you know I feel. I thought that we were on the same page about this baby,” Emma said sadly. “This was not how I envisioned telling you. I thought you would be…”

  “Emma,” Addison interrupted her wife. “I am ecstatic about this baby. I am surprised. I admit it. Last time we went through so much disappointment before the munchkin came along. I didn’t expect it to happen so soon.”

  “I can understand that, Addy. What I can’t seem to wrap my head around is why you would think that would change anything for me. Whether it took us months or even a year or more—I thought you understood that this is what I wanted. I thought you were happy about that.”

  Addison sighed. “I am,” she said.

  “What is it then?” Emma asked. “Because I know you, and there is something you are not telling me. Why wouldn’t you just tell Jeff that we were trying to conceive again? I can’t imagine that would surprise him.”

  “Probably not,” Addison agreed. “But, Emma… We have always kept our personal life just that—personal. We didn’t make it public knowledge when we decided to have Vicki. We’ve been cautious at every turn…”

  “True,” Emma said. “But, that was a different time in our lives. I seem to remember a time when you were not so happy with the reserved life we were leading. And, let’s face it—trying to keep my pregnancy a secret was exhausting. We were living under a microscope. Now, we live under a telescope,” Emma offered. “People might be watching, but it is at a greater distance. I’m not under contract to anyone. The only obligation I have is to you and this family. That’s it. I don’t care who knows what our plans are. I wouldn’t take out an ad in People Magazine, but I certainly don’t care if people find out. I’m done with that. It was exhausting. No matter what were to happen, I am not living my life like that again.”

  “I hear you,” Addison replied. “But, I didn’t know—at that moment—I wasn’t sure what I should tell him.”

  Emma nodded. “And?”

  “And, what? If you hadn’t wanted me to say anything…”

  “No one knows me better than you do,” Emma reminded Addison. “Except maybe my mother. So, let’s stop dancing around the truth, Addy. So? Part of you hoped that I would say yes to this idea.”

  Addison closed her eyes and swallowed hard. “Maybe.”

  “Why?” Emma wanted to know.

  “I don’t know,” Addison shook her head. Emma raised her brow. “I just… Em… I…”

  “Addy?”

  “What if I can’t do it without you?”

  “What on earth are you talking about?” Emma asked.

  “What if I can’t?” Addison repeated her rhetorical question. “I wrote Off Screen for you,” Addison explained. “You were at every turn, Em. Don’t you get that? It’s why it worked. You were with me at every turn.”

  Emma smiled and moved to sit beside Addison. “Addy,” she took Addison’s hand. “I will always be with you at every turn. I don’t have to be on a set to do that.”

  Addison shook her head. “I’ve never done it without you,” she said.

  Emma kissed Addison on the cheek. “Neither have I.”

  “What are you talking about? You had an incredible career long before I came along.”

  Emma chuckled. “Yes. I was referring to my current role.”

  “Not true, Em. For months, I was at the office long hours while you were home with the munchkin. And, when I went to London to produce that…’

  “Ah,” Emma smiled and interrupted Addison. “See? You have done it without me.”

  “Not the same,” Addison disagreed. “I didn’t create that project. Jeff did. I just helped bring it about.”

  “Addy,” Emma sighed. “You are an incredibly talented writer. You have a well of ideas that amaze me. You don’t need me to create something special.”

  “Yes, I do. You don’t get it, Em. You are the breath in all of it. It’s like when you came into my life… How do I explain it to you? Think of it like this,” Addison tried to explain. “Think of a match without anything to strike it on. That was me. I had ideas. I had written words, but none of it had the spark it needed to burn. That was you. That is you.”

  “I think you give me too much credit,” Emma said. She squeezed Addison’s hand. “But, believe it or not, I do understand.”

  “You do?”

  “Yeah. I do. You sometimes forget that I feel the same way about you,” Emma said. “And, before you start protesting I want you to listen to me. Yes, I did have a great career. That’s true. I wasn’t happy, Addy. I loved my work. And, sometimes I do miss it. I miss the energy on a set. I miss escaping myself into someone else’s emotions, into another world. I do. But, as much as I loved it, something was always missing. No matter how many roles I got, or how much attention, no matter how many awards—it was never enough somehow.”

  “Not the same, Em.”

  “You don’t think so?” Emma questioned. “Addy, it is the same thing. You don’t think that it scares me just a little? The idea that maybe you will be off working long hours and I will be waiting for you to come home most days? Addison… You have been here almost the entire time we’ve had Vicki. You can’t honestly think that I am not a little nervous about changing that.”

  Addison considered how to reply. The truth was, she hadn’t considered that at all. From Addison’s perspective, Emma handled everything. Whenever Addison had traveled or had found herself forced into time away from home, Emma had always seemed to handle the situation flawlessly. In contrast, Addison had always felt as if she were fumbling. She was confident that no one else saw her struggle, but Addison had no illusions. Being apart from Emma always unsettled her. It was one thing to be apart for hours during a day; it was another to be apart for days at a time. And, with the exception of one short project, Addison had never attempted to create or produce a show without Emma being a part of it. It terrified her. Emma sometimes forgot that she had been the one to teach Addison the ropes in many ways.

  “I’ve never done it without you,” Addison whispered.

  “Neither have I. Done it without you, I mean,” Emma repeated. “Addy, just because we have different focuses during the day, that doesn’t mean we are doing it alone,” she offered. Addison looked up pleadingly. Emma placed a kiss on Addison’s cheek. “It might not always look the way it did,” Emma admitted. “But, Addy, you will always be a part of everything in my life in some way, and I imagine the same goes for you.”

  “I don’t want to lose you,” Addison confessed.

  Emma pulled Addison to her. “It would take a lot more than an argument or a misunderstanding to make that happen.”

  “I know,” Addison replied. “I’m sorry that I was a jerk.”

  Emma laughed. “I think we’ve both played that role a few times,” she said, recalling their relationship in its early days. “Are you? Really? Happy, I mean?”

  Addison pulled back and smiled at Emma. “Of course,” she answered without hesitation. Emma bit her bottom lip in thought. “What are you thinking?” Addison wondered.

  “I think you should try and write it,” Emma said. Addison’s confusion was evident. “An Off Screen reboot.”

  “Lost me, Em.”

  “Write it with Jack at the center,” Emma suggested.

  “You want me to write Off Screen without Genevieve? Emma, Of
f Screen is all about Genevieve. You are Genevieve. No one will go for that.”

  Emma grinned. “Sure they will.”

  “Uh-huh. I don’t think so,” Addison disagreed.

  “Well, you won’t know if you don’t try.”

  Addison chuckled. “You’re serious.”

  Emma shrugged. “Why not? Jack’s a great character. What would her life be like without Genevieve? The possibilities are endless.”

  Addison’s eyes twinkled. “Uh-huh.”

  “What do you have to lose?” Emma asked.

  “Nothing, I suppose.”

  “Good. Then write it.”

  “He’ll never go for it.”

  “Who?” Emma asked. “Bellson?” she guessed. Addison nodded. Emma laughed. “He doesn’t own the rights,” she pointed out. Addison’s eyes widened in surprise. “Well, he doesn’t,” Emma said flatly. “So, if he doesn’t want in then pitch it to someone else.”

  “I never pitched it at all,” Addison reminded Emma. “You did.”

  “You did plenty of pitching ideas successfully over all those seasons.”

  “Uh-huh,” Addison mumbled skeptically. “And, if there are no takers?”

  Emma shrugged. “There’s always a way,” she said assuredly.

  Addison smiled. “And, Genevieve?”

  “Genevieve is content to stay home for now.”

  “I get more cookies now, huh?”

  Emma laughed. “That was one of the clauses, wasn’t it? More kids equal more cookies.”

  Addison wiggled her eyebrows. “I love your cookies.”

  Emma shook her head affectionately. “Don’t get any ideas about any lesbian Brady Bunch. We don’t have any Alice here.”

  Addison snickered. “I could write…”

  “I don’t think so,” Emma put the thought to rest. She stood up and offered Addison her hand. “You know; the sprout is bound to wake up any minute now. Something tells me she’ll be asking for another swim.”

  Addison accepted Emma’s hand and stood to face her. She dropped her other hand to Emma’s stomach. Emma watched as Addison’s eyes grew misty. Arguments between them always left them both emotionally drained. They were not frequent, but Emma knew that disagreements and upheavals unsettled Addison far more than they did Emma. Emma felt secure in their marriage. Addison trusted Emma. Emma was sure of that. But, Addison’s past and Emma’s upbringing differed in almost every conceivable way. No matter how much time passed, how many assurances were given, or how their relationship continued to grow, Addison would always feel a moniker of fear when the boat rocked too far to one side. Two things that Emma had come to understand about her wife: family meant everything to Addison Blake, and Addison would always worry that somehow she would fail in that endeavor.

  Emma covered Addison’s hand with her own. “Bet he’ll be a fishy too, just like his Momma.”

  Addison looked up. A tear rolled over her cheek, but her smile quickly grew. “You think so?” she asked. Emma winked. “Thanks, Em.”

  “For?”

  “Putting up with me.”

  “I am amazing.”

  Addison laughed. “Momma!” a sleepy voice called from behind them.

  “How did you get out of that bed?” Addison asked her daughter as Vicki toddled toward her.

  “Cwimbed,” came the answer. Emma chuckled as Addison lifted Vicki onto her hip. Vicki rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand and put her head on Addison’s shoulder.

  “Still tired?” Addison asked. Vicki nodded against her. “Want to go back and nap some more?”

  “Pway boat,” Vicki said through a yawn.

  Addison rolled her eyes. “Maybe when you wake up a little more, huh?”

  “No,” Vicki pulled back to look at Addison. “Gots to fwim.”

  “You have to swim?” Emma asked. Vicki looked at Emma and nodded. “Sweetheart, you’re not even awake yet.”

  “S’am, Mommy.”

  Addison snickered. “I can see that.”

  “We gets a bishy,” Vicki chirped, beginning to wake up.

  Addison tipped her head curiously. “A fishy?” she asked Vicki.

  “I fwim wit da bishy!”

  Emma laughed. “I am sure one day that will be true,” she said. “The fishy won’t be here for a while, Sprout,” she said. Addison finally caught on and mouthed the words “she knows” to Emma. Emma shrugged. “Not exactly,” Emma mouthed back. “One day, you will get to teach this other little fishy how to swim,” Emma promised Vicki.

  Now wide awake, Vicki squirmed in Addison’s arms. Addison put her down and watched her toddle as fast as she could back toward her room. “Fishy, huh?” she asked Emma. Emma shrugged. “You might want to consider monkeys,” Addison laughed. “I have no idea how she made it out of that bed.”

  “Either way, they are yours,” Emma quipped.

  “Mommy!” Vicki stumbled back into the room.

  Emma covered her face and shook her head. “Yours.”

  Addison shrugged. “I think I’ve seen you in something similar,” she whispered to Emma.

  Emma smacked Addison lightly and made her way to their daughter. Vicki was standing with her bathing suit in a twist around her shoulders and a swimmer’s diaper loosely clinging to her hips. “Monkeys and fishies,” Emma chuckled. “And, she thinks I need acting for interest,” she muttered. “Come on, fishy. I’ll help you while Momma gets changed.”

  “What about me?” Addison called over.

  Emma scooted Vicki back toward her room and turned to face Addison. She raised her brow and held up a finger. Addison was completely caught off guard by the diaper that hit her in the face. “There you go, babe. Remember the pee is silent in pool.”

  Addison rolled her eyes. She chuckled as she headed to the bedroom to change. She stopped just shy of the room and looked back at where Emma had disappeared a moment ago with their daughter. Sometimes, in the chaos of everyday life, Addison forgot for a second how much she loved Emma. Today had served as a tangible reminder. She knew that Emma would never fully grasp what Addison had been telling her. Emma was the breath of inspiration in Addison’s work. More than that, she was the breath of possibility in Addison’s life. Addison had always felt as if she were floundering. Emma had changed that in an instant. Addison took a deep breath and headed off to change. “I hope you’re right, Em,” she mused as she finished her task. “I hope you’re right.”

  Chapter Two

  Addison walked into the bedroom, toweling off her hair from a shower. Emma was curled up in the bed with her eyes closed. Addison smiled as she watched silently. She had noted the exhaustion in Emma’s eyes after dinner. Addison understood Emma’s fatigue. A couple of hours of chasing after Vicki had left Addison tired. Emma had been at it all day. She took a deep breath and slid into the bed behind Emma.

  Emma shuddered. “Addy! You’re freezing!” Addison chuckled. “And, you’re naked.”

  “And, you are awake,” Addison replied.

  Emma turned in Addison’s embrace. “I am now,” she raised an eyebrow. Addison leaned in and kissed Emma’s lips tentatively. “Addy?”

  “I’m sorry, Em,” Addison said.

  Emma smiled. “I thought we were past this?”

  Addison nodded and kissed Emma’s forehead. “We are.”

  “Okay? What’s wrong?’

  Addison shook her head. “I love you, Emma.”

  Emma was beginning to wonder what was going through Addison’s mind. “You okay?”

  Addison’s reply came in the form of a tender kiss that quickly heightened into a passionate exploration. Emma held on to Addison tightly as she was quickly swept away. It amazed her. No matter how many times she and Addison made love, Emma always found herself washed away by the tenderness of Addison’s touch. Addison’s gentle attentiveness had never faltered—not once. Emma willingly fell into the woman she loved, sensing that Addison needed to communicate something.

  Emma found it ironic. Addison was
perhaps the most prolific writer Emma had ever known. It wasn’t so much because Addison sought to use eloquent phases or clever metaphors in her work. Addison’s writing, whether it came in the form of a note or a screenplay, reflected deep honesty and vulnerability. With Emma, she often struggled to articulate what she needed—what she was feeling. In those moments, Addison tended to turn inward. When she was finally ready to confide in Emma, she often spoke through lingering touches and reverent kisses. Emma had grown to understand Addison’s needs. She let her fingertips comb through Addison’s wet hair as Addison’s lips descended over her throat sensually.

  “Addy…” Emma sighed and closed her eyes amid an intoxicating mixture of contentment and arousal.

  Addison glanced up and bit her lip at the sight of Emma. Emma could steal the breath from her body in an instant. She lifted her hand and brushed across Emma’s lips with her fingertips. “So soft,” she whispered.

  Emma opened her eyes and met Addison’s. Addison’s eyes had darkened measurably. She could feel the pounding of Addison’s heart against her. She took hold of Addison’s hand and gently sucked on Addison’s fingertips. Addison’s eyes fluttered closed and her lips parted in response. Emma moved to take the lead in their familiar dance. She understood that what Addison needed most at this moment was reassurance. Not reassurance that Emma loved her. Addison knew that. Not reassurance that Emma desired Addison. The physical attraction and connection that they shared had never wavered. What Addison needed was a reminder that she was the foundation of everything that mattered most to Emma. Emma possessed a natural confidence, a command of herself that most people did not. That did not mean that Emma was immune to insecurity or fear. Addison sometimes forgot that.

  Emma didn’t need words to understand Addison’s inner conflict. It was written in the subtle ways Addison moved. She had meant everything that she had told Addison about her fears. Perhaps fear had not been the right word to describe what Emma felt. But, Emma would miss Addison when Addison returned to working in earnest. She would never seek to hold Addison back. In fact, she would encourage—even press Addison to move forward. A part of her wanted to ask Addison to let it all go. Emma loved their life together as it was. She loved spending time with Addison, but she also could feel Addison’s restlessness. Now, it was time for Emma to convey to the woman looking at her that she understood, that she would hold Addison through whatever was to come and that she would always need Addison to do the same.