Rough Drafts (By Design Book 4) Read online

  “Craig wasn’t just her cousin, Dana. He was like a brother to her,” Candace said. Dana nodded.

  “I know that he and Scott…”

  “They were inseparable as kids, the three of them. Maureen told me that Craig and Scott practically lived with them until Jameson left for college. The Three Musketeers,” Candace laughed. “Apparently, they were known to wreak more than their fair share of havoc.”

  “I know the ending. I just don’t know how they ended up there,” Dana said.

  Candace closed her lips tightly and then exhaled. “After Jameson moved onto campus, it started. Scott fell in with the wrong crowd. Craig, from what Maureen told me, was always the follower. Without Jameson to follow, he let Scott lead. Parties turned to binges. Binges resulted in breaking into a few houses. That led to both being placed at the clinic. I guess all seemed well for a bit. Craig started some classes and then suddenly he just dropped out.”

  Dana listened without interrupting. The night that Jameson received the call about her cousin Craig was embedded in her consciousness. She had not once seen Jameson so lost—before or since. Craig Reid had visited Jameson a couple of times on campus. Dana recalled that whenever Jameson’s cousin made an appearance, her friend seemed to nearly glow with excitement. She envied the bond she saw between Jameson and Craig. It was rare to have such a kindred spirit in life.

  Candace continued. “I’m not sure that anyone knows what led to it all. You know how kids can be,” she said. “They think that they are invincible. Jumping off roofs into pools wasn’t daring enough anymore, I guess,” Candace told Dana. Dana snickered slightly. She could imagine a young Jameson getting into all kinds of mischief with her cousins. Candace smiled at the reaction. “Not hard to imagine, is it?” she said knowingly.

  “Not really, no,” Dana agreed.

  “I still catch her eyeing that big oak tree in the backyard,” Candace chuckled. She let out a heavy sigh. “I guess they outgrew the tree climbing, at least Craig and Scott did. Adventure ended up on the receiving end of a needle,” Candace paused. “I don’t know the whole story, Dana. I’m not sure that anyone does. I do know that Scott was with Craig when he overdosed.”

  “J.D. still blames him for Craig’s death,” Dana surmised.

  Candace nodded. “Yes, but I think on a deeper level she blames herself.”

  “What? Why? Candy, J.D. was with Steven and me in New York City that weekend.”

  “Exactly,” Candace said.

  ***

  “I’m going to let you two take the tour,” Maureen excused herself.

  “What?” Jameson asked nervously.

  Maureen offered her daughter a compassionate smile and placed her hand on Jameson’s arm. She leaned a bit closer to Jameson’s ear. “J.D., you need to talk to Scott. It’s been sixteen years. Talk to him,” Maureen said before nodding to the pair and taking her leave. Jameson felt her body beginning to tremble. The last thing that she wanted was to be left alone with Scott Drummond.

  “J.D.,” Scott began.

  “Let’s get this over with,” Jameson said a bit abruptly.

  Scott did not move. He looked a Jameson and shook his head. “Are we ever going to move past this?” he asked her.

  Jameson glared at her old friend. “Move past this? Is that what Craig is to you now?”

  “You know that’s not true,” Scott said calmly. “I think about him every day.”

  “Yeah, well…Let’s just do this thing, okay? I’m here to help redesign this place, not our friendship,” she said bluntly.

  “J.D….”

  “Scott,” Jameson closed her eyes to quell her rising temper. “Please. Just…show me what you are thinking. I can’t right now. Let’s get through today, okay?” she implored him.

  Scott nodded sadly. “Okay, J.D.”

  Jameson followed Scott through a set of double doors and concentrated on her breathing. She offered a silent thought to her childhood best friend. I just can’t yet, Craig. I’m sorry.

  Chapter Two

  “She’s upstairs,” Pearl told Candace when the senator rolled through the front door.

  “How did she seem?” Candace asked.

  Pearl shrugged. “You know her.”

  “Yes, I do,” Candace said as she glanced up the staircase.

  “Long day for you both,” Pearl observed.

  Candace turned back and snickered. “That’s an understatement.”

  “Well, you know where I am if you need me,” Pearl said.

  “I do,” Candace smiled.

  “By the way, Jonah called,” Pearl said.

  “Everything okay?” Candace asked.

  Pearl shrugged. “I think so,” she answered. “Just said he would talk to you later.”

  “Ah, a man of few words,” Candace laughed at her son.

  “Yeah, didn’t get that from you,” Pearl quipped.

  “Funny,” Candace returned. “I’ll give you a call tomorrow.”

  “If you need me…”

  Candace hugged Pearl. “I promise, I will call. Isn’t Jeffrey supposed to be visiting this weekend?” Candace asked.

  Pearl’s face lit up. She hadn’t seen her youngest son in nearly six months. “Supposed to,” she said. “He’s only here for a few days before he heads off again.”

  “Where to now?” Candace asked.

  “London for a month. Then? Who knows?” Pearl said.

  “007 is on another mission, huh?” Candace joked. Jeffrey was an interpreter with The State Department. Pearl wasn’t entirely sure what he did other than interpret Russian and German into English. She often joked to Candace that he must be a spy with all the travel he did. It led to the affectionate nickname 007.

  “Lord only knows,” Pearl rolled her eyes. “I love that boy, but where he ever got the inclination for all his adventures I will never know,” she said.

  Candace winked at the older woman. Jeffrey was fourteen years younger than Candace. She had changed more than a few of his diapers and had always considered him more of a brother than her own two. He was a great deal like Candace. A fact that Pearl seemed to always delight in. “Well, if you two have time…”

  Pearl grinned from ear to ear. “I am sure he would jump at the chance. Only if Jameson is up to that,” Pearl said.

  Candace glanced up the stairs again. “I don’t know, I think it might be exactly what she will need.”

  “Good night, Candy,” Pearl said with a hug.

  Candace watched Pearl leave and then faced the stairs. She made her way quietly through the upstairs hallway and to the bedroom door. Jameson was standing at the window looking out as Pearl’s car drove away in the distance. Jameson spoke without turning. “Did you really fire Gollum?” she asked.

  “Yep,” Candace answered. Jameson turned slowly to face her wife. Candace shook her head. “Jameson…”

  “I’m all right.”

  “Sure you are,” Candace replied knowingly.

  “Why’d you can him?” Jameson asked.

  “Don’t worry about Jason,” Candace said. “I want to hear about your day.”

  Jameson shrugged. “Not much to tell. Not a challenging project. I think I should be able to meet all of their…”

  Candace arched an eyebrow at Jameson. “I wasn’t referring to upgrading the center,” she said flatly. Jameson shrugged again as tears pooled in her eyes. Candace closed the distance between them slowly. “Jameson,” she whispered. “Talk to me.”

  “What is there to say?” Jameson asked quietly. “I just don’t have it in me,” she said. “I could barely look at him,” she admitted.

  “Scott?” Candace guessed. Jameson nodded against Candace’s shoulder. “It’s okay, honey.”

  “No. It isn’t,” Jameson said as she pulled away and turned back toward the window. “He’d be so pissed at me.”

  “Who?” Candace asked gently. Jameson didn’t answer. Candace sighed. “Craig?” she asked. Jameson nodded. “Jameson…”

&nbs
p; Jameson kept her gaze out the window and took a deep breath. She had told Candace the basic story of Craig’s death. She’d shared numerous tales about the Three Musketeers. Craig was her father’s youngest brother’s son. Scott was her mother’s brother’s eldest son. All three were less than a year apart in age. Candace knew that there was a great deal that Jameson had yet to share, not the least of which surrounded her feelings about Craig’s untimely death at the age of twenty.

  “He would be. He just would be. I can’t help it,” Jameson said. Candace waited for her to continue. “He didn’t even call for help, Candace,” Jameson said. “What the hell? While Craig was convulsing on the floor, he just sat there and watched,” Jameson explained. Candace closed her eyes as Jameson continued to speak. “I know. I know he was stoned out of his mind. I get that. He didn’t want to get caught. Jesus!” Jameson’s voice raised measurably. “He was more worried about getting in fucking trouble than his best friend choking on his own vomit! What the fuck? How the hell am I supposed to forget that?”

  Candace placed her hand on Jameson’s back and turned Jameson to face her. “Jameson,” she said softly. Jameson looked up and into Candace’s eyes. “You aren’t ever going to forget that,” Candace said honestly.

  Jameson closed her eyes and shook her head. Her chest was constricting so violently that she feared she would stop breathing. Most days, Jameson went about her life without immersing herself in the memory of her two best friends. She had chosen Cornell University largely because she wanted to remain close to the pair. At eighteen, she assumed that their relationship would be unchanged by her move to a college campus. She’d underestimated exactly how much entering college would change all their lives. Jameson was immersed in her studies. She made new friendships and those commanded most of her free time. Scott never seemed to have a desire to pursue college. He worked painting houses and doing odd jobs with Jameson’s father’s construction company during the day. At night, he liked to party with friends. Craig enrolled in a community college, unsure of what he wanted to do. The lack of structure proved difficult for him. He followed along with Scott and before anyone had a clue something was wrong, the weekend parties morphed into weeklong escapades. When Craig and Scott were caught breaking into a neighbor’s house, it had shaken Jameson’s entire family to their core. With no history of trouble, both were given a Conditional Discharge by the presiding judge. Scott and Craig would both be required to enter a drug rehabilitation and counseling program and they would need to complete a hundred hours of community service. All seemed well for the next year. Even when Craig had dropped out of his classes again, no one suspected that he and Scott had begun to fall back into their old ways. No one suspected until that fateful night.

  “Jameson,” Candace called to her wife. She gently coaxed Jameson to open her eyes. “There is nothing you could have done,” she said knowingly.

  “You don’t know that,” Jameson said. “How can you know that?” she asked.

  Candace took a deep breath and released it slowly. She led Jameson to the bed to sit. “Because, there is no what if in life, honey. There just isn’t.”

  Jameson sighed and shook her head in dismay again. “He didn’t even call. How do I forgive him for that? How could he not even call?” Jameson asked. Her voice had lost its edge and fallen to almost a whisper.

  Candace pulled Jameson into her arms. “I don’t know. Have you ever asked him that?” she asked Jameson cautiously.

  Jameson’s eyes flew open. “Ask Scott why he didn’t call for help?” Jameson asked. Candace nodded. “No. Until today, I haven’t spoken more than hello to him in sixteen years,” she said sadly.

  “Maybe you should start there,” Candace suggested.

  “I can barely look at him,” Jameson admitted. Candace gently caressed Jameson’s back and waited patiently for her to continue. “Every time I see him….”

  “You remember Craig,” Candace guessed the problem. Jameson nodded. Candace pulled Jameson back onto the bed with her and into her arms.

  “It’s my fault,” Jameson said softly.

  “No, it isn’t,” Candace said flatly.

  “Maybe if I had been there…”

  “Maybe,” Candace admitted. “And, maybe not. Maybe it would have been a car crash. Maybe something would have happened to you. There are no maybes, honey. I think, the only maybe to consider is that the person you need to forgive is yourself.”

  Jameson held onto Candace more tightly. “Maybe it is,” she confessed. “You fired Gollum over this,” Jameson said bluntly. She’d seen an initial story on the evening news. It had shown Jameson and her mother in a photo with the caption: Addicted to more than love? “Now, someone has lost their job because of me too.”

  Candace pulled Jameson to face her. “Jason lost his job because he failed to do it properly,” she said assuredly. “Not because of you, Jameson. He’s been walking a tightrope for months. Today it snapped. This campaign is only beginning in earnest now. I can’t spend the next nine months babysitting my campaign manager. It won’t work. Jason did this to himself.”

  “Is this bad for you?” Jameson asked with a tinge of guilt in her voice.

  Candace couldn’t help by laugh. “Bad for me? That you are working on a project in memory of your cousin? Hardly,” she said as she placed a kiss on Jameson’s temple. “Dana has it under control. You don’t need to worry about that at all.”

  “I do worry,” Jameson said.

  “Don’t,” Candace told her. She kissed Jameson’s lips gently. “I am worried about you.”

  Jameson brushed a strand of hair out of Candace’s eyes and smiled. “I’ll be okay. It’s just something I have to do. I’m just not sure how I am going to do it right now.”

  Candace understood. “Why now?” she asked gently.

  Jameson shrugged in Candace’s embrace. “You’ll laugh.”

  “At you?” Candace asked. “I doubt that.”

  “I don’t know. After we got back from Marianne’s, I just kept thinking about them. I mean…maybe it was being with the kids. I just couldn’t help but think about Craig. About how things were before…I don’t know.”

  Candace smiled. She placed a tender kiss on Jameson’s lips. “Babies will do that,” she said. “They make you look at things differently. Make you feel hopeful.”

  Jameson chuckled. It was true. She and Candace had spent a week at Marianne’s after Marianne gave birth to her second child. This time a little girl named Madeline Pearl, or Maddie for short. Jameson spent most of the week playing with Spencer. The toddler went from enthralled by his baby sister to total disinterest in less than a heartbeat at any given moment. It reminded Jameson a great deal of her youth, each time a new baby entered the family. There were groupings within her family of children that were close in age. That made family events something Jameson had always looked forward to in her youth. She found herself pondering what it would be like for Spencer and Maddie.

  “I guess that’s true,” Jameson admitted. “I was lucky to have them both growing up.” She sat up and looked at Candace.

  “What is it?” Candace asked.

  “Nothing really. It’s just strange,” Jameson said. Candace tipped her head in confusion. “What I mean is, I love my life now. I really do. But…Sometimes, I just miss them.”

  “I don’t think that’s strange at all,” Candace said. She pulled Jameson back down to her.

  “I hope Spence and Maddie find friends like that,” Jameson said.

  Candace smiled broadly and stroked Jameson’s back. “You really are a big sap,” Candace teased. Jameson groaned and Candace giggled. “Just take it one day at a time with Scott. Talk to him. If not for Craig or for him—for you.” Jameson nodded and nestled closer to Candace. “Did you want to go have some dinner?” Candace asked. Jameson shook her head. “No? What about…”

  “I just want to stay here for now,” Jameson said.

  Candace sighed contentedly. “You all right?”

/>   “I am now,” Jameson said. She closed her eyes and let herself begin to drift away.

  Candace held Jameson close and let her eyes fall shut. She didn’t need Jameson to speak any more words to understand how difficult the day had been for her wife. There was very little that Jameson and Candace did not discuss openly in their marriage. Jameson’s cousin’s death was one of the few topics that often led Jameson to trail off into thoughtful silence. Loss was never an easy thing. Untimely loss, a loss that seemed avoidable made it all the more senseless. Jameson carried that weight for many years in her heart. Today had marked an important step in releasing it. Jameson was drained emotionally and physically. Candace could feel the tension slowly drifting off Jameson like waves of heat off of summer pavement. She continued to caress Jameson tenderly, content to remain in the silence that hovered between them. “Sleep,” Candace whispered. She felt Jameson release a deep breath and smiled.

  For many years, Candace had faced days like today, days that tried her patience and her resolve. That was a never-changing reality in life. It used to hail sleepless nights and restless mornings. Now, with Jameson next to her, the stresses of daily life seemed to ease. It was not perfection. At times, her hectic schedule frustrated them both and led them to bicker over menial issues. Some weeks, days of forced separation wore on the senator. She was sure that the time apart proved difficult for Jameson as well. The obstacles, the upheavals, and the challenges could scarcely compare to these moments. “I love you,” Candace whispered.

  “Mm. Jinx…stop licking me,” Jameson answered in reply, clearly in the middle of a dream.

  Candace chuckled. “Lunatic.”

  ***

  Michelle rolled over and looked at the alarm clock when she heard the doorbell. She looked at her sleepy-eyed girlfriend. Melanie threw a pillow over her head and groaned. Michelle chuckled. “Don’t get up, babe,” she teased as she reluctantly pulled herself from the bed.