Renovations (By Design Book 6) Page 10

“What are you saying?”

  Candace smiled and kissed Jameson tenderly. “You are not getting rid of me that easily,” she said. Jameson exhaled a ragged breath of relief. “Honestly, someone is out there that is part of Cooper.”

  “You mean like his father.”

  “Yes, or his grandfather or grandmother—someone. What happens, Jameson…What happens if Cooper comes into our family and someone comes to take him away?”

  Jameson slowed her breathing as best she could. The mere thought of that made her heart ache. She looked at Candace. “I don’t even want to think about that.”

  “It could happen.”

  “Maybe,” Jameson said. “But the fact that just thinking about that possibility makes me sick to my stomach just makes me want to go pick him up right now.”

  Candace smiled. “I know.”

  “Candace, I can’t promise you nothing will go wrong. You and I both know that almost anything can happen. We both know that. I can see it in your eyes. I could see it the other day in his. He needs you. He needs us. Maybe, just maybe there was a reason you ended up in that shelter that day. Maybe, just maybe, that reason is Cooper.”

  “Are you really sure this is what you want to do?” Candace asked.

  “Only if you want it,” Jameson said. “But, yes. I am sure that if it were solely my decision, my decision would be yes.”

  “I’m not going to lie to you, Jameson. It terrifies me for more than one reason,” Candace admitted. “And, no, not because of you. I’m fifty-eight, Jameson. When Cooper graduates high school, I will be seventy-two. You will still be younger than I am now.”

  “You worry too much about numbers,” Jameson teased.

  “Maybe, I do.”

  “Nope, no maybe. You do. People don’t see the number, Candace. They see the person. And, I know what you always worry about. You need to stop thinking like that. Look at us. We’ve both lost people we loved long before we would have thought possible. You don’t know that something might happen to me first and…”

  “Don’t even say it,” Candace warned.

  “Fine, I won’t say it. We both know that’s the truth.”

  “I guess, we do,” Candace confessed. She pulled Jameson down to lie beside her. “You know, if we do this, it will take some time for them to approve us even to be his foster parents.”

  “Not that long,” Jameson said quietly.

  “Jameson, I can’t circumvent that system.”

  “No, I know that. But, Ms. Ross promised me that if we decided to…That she would push to have the home study done quickly. And, she said that she has someone who specializes in dealing with kids in transition. She’s been a foster mom for years and she lives in Albany so we could see Cooper while things move along.”

  Candace kissed Jameson’s head. “You knew…That I wanted to say yes.”

  “Maybe.”

  “How did you know?”

  “I know you,” Jameson said.

  “Jameson, I do want to say yes.”

  “There’s a but coming.”

  “There are things that we need to talk about. And, there are people I want to talk to. I want to know where Cooper stands in this process and where we do. If we decide that this is what we want to do, for all of us, there is no halfway in it. I can’t do that, Jameson.”

  “I know,” Jameson said. “You want to step back a bit.”

  “No, I don’t. I don’t want to step back. I want to get in the car, scoop him up and bring him home,” Candace confessed. “I know that is not what is best for any of us. I hear you. You’re right. We can’t predict everything. It isn’t just us I’m worried about. It’s Cooper. He needs to know when he lands that it is home. He needs a forever home, not a temporary place to stay.”

  “You know that I agree,” Jameson said.

  “Then you agree that we will look into everything before we commit to anything.”

  Jameson nodded against Candace’s shoulder. “I do agree. Can I tell you something?”

  “You can tell me anything,” Candace said.

  “Other than you, being with you, I mean. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted something to work out so badly in my life. And, Candace? That scares the shit out of me.”

  “It should,” Candace said. She let her fingers roam over Jameson’s back lovingly.

  “Did it scare you? When you had the Three Stooges, I mean?”

  Candace laughed. “Every time—yes. But, only because I love them so much, stooges and all. And, I will tell you the truth, nothing scares me more than losing them. When Lucas…When I lost him, Jameson….I…I lost myself for a moment. Lately, I find myself missing him like it was yesterday that I had to say goodbye.”

  “I don’t even know what to say,” Jameson admitted. “I can’t imagine that. The kids aren’t even mine, Maddie and Spence…If anything happened to them...I wish you hadn’t had to go through that.”

  “I wish he could be here with us,” Candace said. “And, I wish you could have known him. He was beautiful.”

  “He was part of you.”

  Candace smiled. “He still is. You know, who is to say that there would be a Shell if we had Lucas. Who’s to say how different things might have been? It all eventually led me here. I can’t imagine my life any other way. I would never want to imagine it without you,” Candace told Jameson.

  Jameson pulled herself up and looked at Candace. “Well, you are stuck with me.”

  “I was worried there for a minute earlier.”

  “Were you, really?” Jameson asked.

  “Only for a minute,” Candace said.

  “I was hurt.”

  “I know.”

  “I shouldn’t have left. I’m sorry that I did,” Jameson said honestly. “I just felt like I couldn’t breathe.”

  “I need you to know something,” Candace said. “There has never been a time that I didn’t see you, Jameson—see you as my equal. And, there’s never been a moment that I have doubted your sincerity or your commitment to this family—not once.”

  “I know, but it’s nice to hear you say it,” Jameson said. “I think I was kind of raw after talking to my mom yesterday.”

  “What did she say?”

  “Sort of what you said only she compared me talking about being foster parents to trying on jeans.”

  “You do know, that is not what she meant,” Candace said.

  “Yeah, but it doesn’t change the fact that it hurt.”

  “One step at a time, okay?” Candace said. “We both have to trust that this will work out as it is meant to.”

  “Is it okay if I tell you that I really want it to work out so that we get to bring him home?”

  Candace kissed Jameson gently. “Absolutely.”

  Jameson laid her head back on Candace’s shoulder. “Candace?”

  “Hum?”

  “If it does, I hope Spence doesn’t teach him to hide in cabinets.”

  Candace laughed. “You are certifiable, but I love you.”

  Chapter Seven

  “I know there is a good reason that you have been on the phone with Jessica Stearns for the last hour,” Dana said.

  Candace looked up from her desk. “Sit down and relax.”

  “Candace, I may be great at the spin cycle, but you conversing with your ex-partner who dragged you through the media mud, might be something you should share with me before you decide to do it. I am not a miracle worker.”

  “You should have been an actor. That was one hell of a monologue,” Candace replied evenly.

  “I’m not actually joking,” Dana said. “We already have a massive storm on the horizon. Is that not interesting enough?”

  “I don’t make the weather, Dana,” Candace said flatly. Candace watched Dana’s eyebrow twitch.

  “I know you don’t particularly care for Jessica, but I need someone I can trust on this.”

  “I will pretend I didn’t hear that,” Dana replied.

  “Legally speaking, Dana. And, for t
he record, I trust Jessica to be discreet and to respect my privacy.”

  “Does J.D. know about this? Whatever this is?”

  “I certainly hope so,” Candace said. “It involves her too.” Candace watched as Dana turned pale. She rolled her eyes. “Oh, Good Lord, whatever crazy notion you have in your head, that is not it.”

  “So? What is it then?” Dana asked.

  Candace took a moment to compose her emotions. “Jameson and I are considering adoption.”

  “Adoption? Like from a shelter?”

  “In a way.”

  “Why do you need Jessica for that? And, since when do you want a dog?”

  Candace arched her eyebrow. “Cooper, Dana. Jameson and I are discussing adopting Cooper.”

  “Cooper? What kind is he?”

  Candace wasn’t sure if she should smack her forehead or smack Dana. “Cooper, Dana. He’s about yeah high? Light brown eyes? Likes to draw? That Cooper.”

  “Wait. You and J.D. want to adopt a child? Like, a human child?”

  Candace burst out laughing. “I have to say, this is not the reaction I expected.”

  “Since when do you and J.D. want kids?”

  Candace took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “We want Cooper. That is, if that is what is best for Cooper.”

  “Wow. What did the kids say?” Dana asked.

  “The kids don’t know. Only Pearl and Maureen do. Well, and Jessica and now you.”

  “You’re serious.”

  “Completely, yes.”

  “Candy, that’s a huge, I mean….Are you sure?”

  “Am I sure about what? That I am ready to be a mother to a four-year-old? I’m not sure anyone is ever ready for that,” Candace joked. Dana chuckled. “But, believe it or not, yes, I am sure that this is what we both want. But, only if it is what is best for Cooper too.”

  Dana nodded. She had seen the way Candace and Cooper had bonded immediately. Candace was incredibly nurturing. The idea that Candace might feel inclined to nurture a boy like Cooper didn’t shock Dana. The fact that Candace and Jameson would actually take steps to adopt a child did. “And, J.D.?”

  “Both of us. We’ve been talking about it for days.”

  Dana smiled. “Thought about the implications for your career track?”

  “Is this my preparation for Shell’s inevitable drilling?”

  “Well, that might be a bonus. Practice the message and all. I’m serious, Candy. You have a lot on your plate and you know that the party has plans, at the very least, hopes for you.”

  “I do know. And, yes, I have considered it.”

  “And?”

  “And, what? That’s why I have you,” Candace joked.

  “I didn’t mean the press implications,” Dana said. “Hell, two lesbians adopting a biracial little boy who’s been orphaned. I can’t write a better heartstrings piece. It’s a publicist’s wet dream. Well, unless you are pitching to Fox.”

  “Classy,” Candace laughed.

  “Seriously, Candy…”

  “Dana, I know—I know that you and Shell—hell that half this staff wants to believe in that fairytale—the lesbian governor runs for the White House.”

  “Hardly a fairy tale, Candy. A lot of people think it is a likelihood. Not just a run, either.”

  “Well, be that as it may. That has never been my priority and you know it.”

  “Do you not want that?” Dana asked.

  “I’ve told you a million times, I will cross that bridge if I come to it. Right now, I have different bridges to cross.”

  “So, Jessica?”

  “Cooper has to have a story,” Candace said. “Who is he? No one at CFS has been able to get a line on his grandparents or his father. Nothing.”

  “Not all that surprising,” Dana said. “Given what we know.”

  “Yes, but we both know someone is out there.”

  “You want Jessica to look into it,” Dana guessed.

  “Jessica handled high profile family cases for years. She has the resources. And, she knows the system.”

  Dana scratched her eyebrow thoughtfully. “Did she give you an earful?”

  Candace smiled. “No, she wasn’t all that surprised.”

  “Really?”

  “Really. We were together a long time, Dana. It may not have ended well, but she does know me. And, in spite of what you think of her, she did love me once. I loved her.”

  “Yeah, I remember,” Dana said. “So, Jessica is going to help you and Jameson adopt a child. I have officially heard everything.”

  “Jessica is not the issue.”

  “She could be.”

  “Stop,” Candace warned. “Why do I get the feeling you are opposed to this idea?”

  “I’m not,” Dana said honestly. “I swear, Candy. I’m not. A little surprised, maybe—not opposed. What do you need me to do?”

  “Just keep it quiet for now, even if someone starts asking questions.”

  “Candy, if there is someone…”

  “Better that we know now, and better for Cooper.”

  “Can I ask you something?”

  “You can ask, I reserve my right not to answer,” Candace replied.

  “How do you hope this works out—honestly?” Dana wondered.

  “I’m not sure you’d believe me if I told you.”

  Dana smiled. “Let me know what I can do. When are you going to tell the Stooges?”

  Candace snickered. “Not until and unless we are moving forward.”

  “Understood. Mum is the word, no pun intended.”

  “Cute.”

  ***

  “J.D., I’m glad you called.”

  Jameson nodded. “We need to talk.”

  “I agree,” Maureen Reid said.

  “What you said last week, it hurt, Mom.”

  “J.D., I didn’t mean that I thought you were taking the idea of foster parenting lightly.”

  Jameson nodded. “I hope not.”

  “I’ve seen you with the kids, J.D. I just wanted you to be sure…”

  “I am sure.”

  “And, what does Candace say?”

  “She wants to make sure we have as much information as possible before we move forward.”

  “So, she’s willing to take this little boy in?”

  “Not take him in, Mom—adopt him,” Jameson clarified.

  Maureen sat back in her chair. “I see.”

  “You don’t approve?”

  “I didn’t say that. It just seems to me that this happened rather quickly.”

  “Well, people get pregnant rather quickly too, don’t they?” Jameson asked. “Unexpectedly, in fact.”

  “True, but you are not pregnant.”

  “No, that is one talent Candace does not possess.”

  “J.D., why the change? And, I am not judging you. I’m just curious.”

  “I told you, I don’t know how to answer that. I love Candace.”

  “Yes, I know that.”

  “And, I know you might not get this, but we both love Cooper.”

  Maureen nodded. “Why so melancholy?”

  “I’m not. We’ve been talking about things for days. In the end, whatever happens has to be what is best for Cooper. We both know that. You know her, she’s got to have all the facts,” Jameson said.

  “J.D., if it doesn’t work out this time…”

  Jameson smiled. “See, that’s the thing, Mom. This isn’t about Candace and me looking to find a child or have a child. It’s that we found Cooper, well she did. I…”

  “You don’t need to explain it,” Maureen said. “What can I do?”

  “Nothing,” Jameson said. “I just needed you to know that this is something important to me. It’s not a pair of jeans.”

  “Jameson Reid, I know that,” Jameson’s mother said firmly. “You know, Spencer might have a bit of a hard time with this.”

  “What?”

  “J.D., that little boy thinks you hung the moon.”


  Jameson beamed. “Mom, I couldn’t love Spence any more if I had been the one who had given birth to him.”

  “I know that, but he is used to having your undivided attention.”

  “Well, you did it with three kids, so did Candace. Besides, who knows where Marianne will end up in time?”

  “All true. I sometimes wonder if you see just how much that little boy needs you too.”

  Jameson smiled. “Mom, Cooper could never change what I feel for Spence.”

  Maureen took Jameson’s hand. “It will work out.”

  “I hope so,” Jameson said a bit apprehensively.

  “It always does, J.D. Have a little faith.”

  ***

  “Hi,” Jameson answered the phone.

  “Hi.”

  “Candace? What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing is wrong. Things are not looking promising. I was hoping you would head here with Spencer,” Candace said.

  “Are we talking about this storm?” Jameson asked tentatively. She heard Candace’s deep sigh. “Candace?”

  “I don’t know anything yet. Only that Jessica found Cooper’s grandmother in Ohio,” Candace replied. The deafening silence on the other end of the phone line forced Candace’s eyes closed. “Jameson?”

  “I heard you.”

  “Look, we both knew that this was a likelihood. I don’t know anything else. She’s on her way here.”

  “His grandmother?”

  “No,” Candace let out a nervous laugh. “Jessica.”

  “I’m not sure that makes me feel much better,” Jameson said.

  Candace understood the statement as it was intended—Jameson’s feeble attempt at levity. “I’d like you to be here when she gets here.”

  “I’ll leave in an hour.”

  “Jameson…”

  “Whatever is meant to happen will happen, right?”

  “Right.”

  “I guess that storm is on track to hit us pretty hard, huh?” Jameson said.

  Candace sighed. “I’ve learned never to predict the weather. It pays to be cautious, not panic.”

  “Are we still talking about the snow?” Jameson asked.

  “No.”

  “I didn’t think so. I’ll be there in a couple of hours. Need anything from here?”

  “Just you and Spencer,” Candace answered honestly.

  “See you in a bit,” Jameson promised. “Candace?”

  “Yes?”